Help! He doesn’t allow me to feel miserable

I would call myself a perfectionist. I feel that only I know my failures better than anyone else and only I can criticize myself truthfully. My boyfriend hates that. He thinks I beat myself over stuff that I’m excelling at and I just keep putting myself down.

I would call myself a perfectionist. I feel that only I know my failures better than anyone else and only I can criticize myself truthfully. My boyfriend hates that. He thinks I beat myself over stuff that I’m excelling at and I just keep putting myself down.

At times when I feel that he should be giving me advice, I feel that he tries to stop me from even talking about the issue, so I get upset cause I don’t think he’s helping me and he gets upset cause he doesn’t feel that it’s a conversation we should even me having, especially since it gets me so moody.

I think I should stop but then that means whenever I feel down I won’t talk to him about what’s bothering me and that’s not something he would want. Would this cause more harm than good to our relationship?

Josiane

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Dear Josiane
,

Of course you know your failures better than anyone else. That is without dispute. But what about your strengths and successes? In my experience, I’ve discovered that we are more likely to dwell on our ‘negatives’ rather than see and recognize the ‘positives’. So, perhaps your boyfriend is trying to help you see that the postives far outweigh the negatives. Honestly, men are natural ‘fixers’. So, when there is a problem, they will try to find a solution. And when they can’t find one, they try to show that the world isn’t coming to an end. I don’t think that will ever change.

However, thing doesn’t mean that you should talk to him. I think that him and you must recognize that you react differently; remember, that isn’t a bad thing though. He must allow you to vent. However, you must allow him to try to fix it (even if the both of you know it can’t be fixed). Embrace the differences you have.

 

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