The murder’s last request
A murderer sitting in the electric chair was about to be executed. “Do you have any last requests?” asked the chaplain. “Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”
Warning to other organs
I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just removed it as a warning to other organs in my body to shape up or they’re out of there!
Two men and the bear
Two men were walking through the forest and spotted a vicious looking bear. The first man opened his briefcase and removed a pair of sneakers and put them on. The second man looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!” “I don’t have to,” the first man replied. “I only have to outrun you.”
“Mum,” yelled John from the kitchen, “You know that glass you were always worried that I would break?”
“Yes dear what about it?” said the mum.
“Well your worries are over,” said John.