If there’s a fight, I’ll need popcorn

Call me mean, sadistic...bored even, but I love fights. Nothing excites me more than watching two grown people make fools of themselves in public. I know it wouldn’t be so funny if I were the one in a fight but you see, that is not my style. In fact, if someone wants to get physical with me, I walk away so fast they wonder if I was a hallucination!
Rachel Garuka
Rachel Garuka

Call me mean, sadistic...bored even, but I love fights. Nothing excites me more than watching two grown people make fools of themselves in public. I know it wouldn’t be so funny if I were the one in a fight but you see, that is not my style. In fact, if someone wants to get physical with me, I walk away so fast they wonder if I was a hallucination!

A night out is probably the best time to catch a fight because there is always some drunkard thinking they are invincible and can destroy everyone around them. One karaoke night at Virunga (MTN Centre), this chap felt he had ‘black belt’ written on his forehead and walked around the place pissing everyone off.  

He spilled a couple of drinks, fell head first into someone’s plate of chips and pork chops, literally terrorized every girl who passed by him to go to the ladies, and to top it all off, dared to grab the microphone from some guy who came to sing his heart out.

Not amused by the rude intrusion of his version of ‘Breaking my Heart’ by Michael Learns to Rock, he leaped at the drunkard and gave him what I can only assure you was a manifestation of what it’s like to be sober! Afraid to witness a murder, people came to the drunkard’s rescue.

Most people are in denial but I say fights are fun to watch (if they don’t involve knives or other deadly weapons). I once sat in a taxi where this passenger dared to cheat the conductor and pay RWF 50 less. Perhaps the conductor would have let him go had the guy not been so arrogant. My Kinyarwanda is seriously injured but the look on the conductor’s face when the man kept talking assured me the words weren’t polite.

When the guy got to his stop, he ordered the conductor to let him off. The conductor opened the door while stretching his hand for the rest of his money but the passenger literally shoved him aside to make way. Not willing to let him get away with taking his money and shoving him as well, the conductor leaped for the man’s back, leaving some of the people in the taxi worried, and me, in stitches!

The man was forced to pick money from his pockets and give it to the guy. Why he didn’t just do that in the first place is beyond me. I mean he had the money and knew the conductor was right about the fare, why didn’t he just pay up? Who does that?

I just need to be more prepared when fights break out -popcorn or 3D glasses even! 

 

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