I hate people who…

…can not queue humbly like other decent people. I often forget that not everyone is as decent as the author of this column. Many people go around without their brains.

…can not queue humbly like other decent people. I often forget that not everyone is as decent as the author of this column. Many people go around without their brains.

I am referring to those useless creatures that never see the point to queue even when they find a clear queue for a particular service. Do these fools think the rest of us who spend time in the line also have ‘standing for hours’ as one of our hobbies? Do they think we came early just to watch them go before us? How I wish they will also remember to jump the queue to hell. With such absent brains such people deserve a head start on the way to hell.
…fake their accents in one situation and then speak normally in another. I am really blessed to have just one accent when speaking English – the Hatred accent. Using that same accent I would love to hate wannabes who switch on a fake accent after 2 weeks in Juba or even London and yet they can speak normally when it is their father on the phone.

The most annoying ones are the ones who work at airports and think they should forge American accents even when the airport is just a local one that handles local flights. But even if one is working at Kigali international airport, why forge an accent yet when I meet you in Nyabugogo you speak like someone who has lived in Ruhengeri for the last 40 years.

…hate on others who use new and cool gadgets. If your friend bought the new Samsung Galaxy SIII and now you are sulking. You are going around telling people how he is just a show off. Actually you are the kind of person I really hate. If you cannot afford the expensive gadgets like the iMac, iPad, iPhone and others that sound like that, then I have no option but to say I hate you for being such a useless fool with a bitter ego. There is a reason those gadgets are put in shops and if you cannot afford them do not complain about those who can. You are lucky I don’t own an iPad. I was going to throw it at you empty head. And that is not a threat.

…try to read the story I am reading in a newspaper while in a taxi. The other day I realised something sad. Not owning a car is a problem in itself. It means I often have to sit with other people in a commuter taxi/bus. This has taught me that being poor is not funny at all. What is more tragic is being poor and sitting next to poorer people. I am talking about these annoying cheap part-time thinkers who stretch their necks to try and read what I am reading when I am in a taxi. Dude, go buy your own newspaper. You boarded a taxi not a library.

…interrupt me when I am trying to say something and then I forget. Before sitting down to write my Hater column, this very one that you are reading, I had noted down the fools I would hate this week. I usually note down these jokers so as not to forget to get back at them here. As you can see above, I have already harassed four of them. However I don’t seem to remember who else I was supposed to hate. I will therefore just dedicate the remaining hatred to those who interrupt us when we are trying to say something and then we forget what it was. Yes I was interrupted.

Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 788 545293


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