Auntie’s corner

I have been married for only five years, and have three small children and now my husband has lost interest in me. When we go to bed, he turns and looks the other side.

I have been married for only five years, and have three small children and now my husband has lost interest in me. When we go to bed, he turns and looks the other side. Sex has become a thing of the past. He leaves home very early in the morning and comes back very late. What could be the problem here?

Gael

Dear Gael

Marriage is not all a bed of roses. I choose to believe that your spouse is not meandering, but reality of having to raise a family might be hitting him hard at this stage of his life.

Firstly, with the joy of having children, comes some stress. Children in the family mean added responsibilities, emotional as well as financial. As family expands, most often than not the man sees changes in his role as the head of a family. There are worries of having to bring up children like taking them to the doctor, picking them up from school and attending to their social lives. This can add pressure to the man who has to shoulder the biggest responsibilities of all.

Another problem might be with money matters. You did not indicate whether you are working or not, but in case you are working- you need to ask yourself about the role you play in helping your spouse when it comes to money matters. Do you help him in meeting some responsibilities or you let him pay all the bills while you stash your money elsewhere. I have said it once and I will say it again, the best solution to this problem is to talk about this aspect in detail before committing to marriage and be clear about whether you and your partner will be able to work around the money issue.

Before walking down the aisle each one of you needs to know his/her cut of responsibility

I know of some working women who will not as much as buy bread for their family, because she believes that it is a man’s sole responsibility to take care of his family.This kind of habit brings rifts in many marriages, especially where the man is also struggling to make ends meet.

Another thing that might be on your spouse’s mind might be his job. If you say he leaves very early and comes back late from work, he might be having a lot of things that he is dealing with in the office. Before you start suspecting him of other things, have you tried to ask him about his work? Some women never ask their spouses about work. This part, if you did not know can play a key role in the betterment of your marriage. Men like it when their spouses show concern about his work, and even more when you give them an advice about a thing or two.

In case you did not know my dear, sex is all in the mind. How do you expect a person to perform when he has so much going on in his life? The poor man might be going through a midlife crisis- while you think the opposite. Trust and communication are crucial for couples to understand each other and once they do that, they can find a solution to whatever challenge life throws their way. It is time to start talking and iron out whatever issues you have. As for intimacy, seek no further it will find it’s way after solving your issues.

 

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