Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Ask yourself why you aren’t happy. Too often, relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames the partner.
Your life is solely under your control, with your relationship you have to take the good with the bad. You need to give as well as take. This is with the exception of domestic abuse.
Make and keep clear agreements. Respect the differences between yourself and your partner. Do not expect your partner to agree with you on every issue. Reach a mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it.
If you say you’re going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time or call if you absolutely must be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety. Safety is important.
Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can choose to be right, or to have a successful relationship. You can’t always have both.
Many people argue to be “right” about something. They say. “If you loved me, you would...” and argue to hear the other say, “Fine, you’re right.” If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship.
Having a healthy relationship means that, while you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, you love and share and learn from those experiences. And if you can’t reach any kind of mutual agreement, that doesn’t mean either of you are wrong.
Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. A true relationship will consist of both partners who need to equally contribute. Not only is that the only type of relationship that will work out, but it will work out in both of your favor.
Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone’s feelings, either their own or their partner’s.
Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. For any sort of relationship to work you need to have trust.
Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It’s about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you can’t reach an agreement, it’s a bad sign.
If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it’s a good sign. It’s the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.
Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation.
Be Responsible. Here’s a new definition: responsible means having the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you or your partner are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you’ve been snippy to your partner, own up to it and say sorry. You’ll be amazed how this works.