Dear Aunt Kiki,
I have been married for six years and have two beautiful children. Recently, I attended a function with my husband and saw something I had never seen before. My husband and my best friend who was also my maid in honour on my wedding were flirting. They dint know that I watched them the entire time, as they were whispering ear to ear and even touching hands. It hurts me to know that these two people who I love and trust are stabbing me behind my back. Since that day, I have denied my husband conjugal rights and he seems not to have a problem with it. What is the problem here, is he in relationship with my single friend and therefore getting all the sex he needs from her? I feel like taking a long walk never to return.
Have you ever wondered why brides pick less beautiful matrons than themselves? You are lucky to have survived six years, most likely these two would have left you standing at the altar alone- and eloped together. Such relationships start during the planning of the wedding. Most women are naïve to let a beautiful woman with their husband-to-be do most of the things together in the name of planning for the wedding, big mistake!
It is painful for anyone to imagine that their spouse is involved in an extra marital affair with someone else, and it is made worse if the other person is known to you, are your relatives or friends.
But you see, I always say such a matter is not to be ignored and you continue to hurt. And that is the problem with most women; we pent up anger inside us and deep down we are suffering immensely. I mean why suffer at the expense of someone else? Call the two and call a spade a spade, you have a lot at stake here. Your family is all you have; you must fight for what is rightfully yours.
But again, women never seem to learn; not every girl who is willing to show her dental formula as far as her end of the mouth - is your friend. You must define who a friend is and what your friendship stands for.
Many of us have been betrayed by people we thought were our “best” friends, because we did not see through them, to know exactly what their intentions were.
If you want my advice, I would tell you to drop this girl as your friend. Why would you want to keep such an evil person close to you and your children, when all she is made of is pure malice?
This is a malignant enemy, and must be dealt with once and for all, and do not dwell on thinking about her, let her go – its good riddance.
As for your man, you know how you can deal with him. Different people are handled differently, you know how to go about solving your issues with him so do that, and make sure not to involve a third party, only do so when you think you have hit rock bottom- otherwise matters of husband and wife are best solved by the two of them.
As you prepare for this big talk, do a check list. What is it that you are not doing right? Men are naturally visual creatures and they usually like seeing good things, when they find unattractiveness in what they are looking at, they change gears. If you have become sloppy and have forgotten to take care of yourself, I suggest you start doing that immediately, change your entire wardrobe if you must and keep fit.
To a man’s heart is through his stomach, if you have never prepared him a meal, start doing that- if you do not have the culinary skills- enroll for an evening class and do the practical’s at home for your family- and see if this man will not make a three hundred and sixty degree about-turn.
Do all it takes to save your marriage and win back your husband’s affection. Taking a long walk from your marriage before trying to solve the problem first, has never helped anyone.