Auntie’s corner

I have been married for 34 years and have six daughters.  I have for all these years managed to stay in marriage because of my children. Every marriage has its ups and downs, but when I look at mine, the downs were many- but I still persevered.

I have been married for 34 years and have six daughters.  I have for all these years managed to stay in marriage because of my children. Every marriage has its ups and downs, but when I look at mine, the downs were many- but I still persevered. My last born daughter is now in university and will be graduating in the next few months. The first three girls are happily married and the other two work and live abroad. It is sad to say that even after all these years; my husband treats me as a lesser woman because I only have daughters. My children know how unhappy I am, and my fourth born is encouraging me to go and live with her abroad. I don’t want to be called names by the society, but at the same time I want to live in peace again after putting up with so much for all these years. What do you think I should do?

Rita

Dear Rita,

I feel you both as a daughter and as a mother. It is unfortunate that we still live with men who think daughters are not worth to be called children. Even after your girls have excelled the way they have? It’s such a shame.

I have respect for women like you who have stood the test of time, defied all odds and managed to raise their children despite the circumstances. But for you to abandon your husband and home to go and live abroad, at your age- does not make sense to me.

Both of you are at the age where you are now supposed to enjoy the fruits of your hard labour, but it looks there are no sweet fruits to enjoy in your marriage but only a taste of sour grapes in your mouth! But my dear, all said and done you are still somebody’s wife.

If you were my mother I would discourage you from doing what you want to do. Instead a good daughter would have encouraged both parents to take a long holiday together, you never know-the older the heart the fonder it becomes, this holiday would have just been what the two of you needed. But if you feel you want some time to clear your head- so be it, but do not risk all you have left for the sake of other things.

Remember also taking care of a family is not easy for a man, and such heavy burden can change someone completely.

At the stage where you are, nothing that he thinks of should bother you. You have borne him six beautiful daughters, taken care of them; they are all independent and grown up, what more is there for you to worry about? If you never thought of walking out on him, those many years ago- where do you think you are going right now and at your age?

Don’t make haste decisions mama, thinking of your family name, your children and even your grandchildren. No child wants to hear their parents being mocked in the society- please do not make your children a laughing stock.

Do you know that you do not know what you are missing until when you miss it? Your husband might have taken your presence for granted all these years, but I tell you, just go for that holiday and see if he will not call you to come back home after a few days. You just never know, but I feel your trip should just be for holiday purposes not running away from your home.

This might be a blessing in disguise; your going away for a few days might be a wakeup call for the old man.

 

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