Dear Aunt Kiki,
I am a married mother of four children. I have a very good job but it is very involving which means that I have to travel all the time outside the country. When I come back home it’s almost the same thing. I was recently promoted and that has made my work schedule even busier. I take a two week break every time my children are on school holiday. Since my promotion, I realize my sex life with my husband has dropped from great to worse. What could be the problem here; I love my husband very much I would not want my job to contribute to my marriage falling apart.
It is unfortunate that when a man is busy, women are expected to understand -because he is after all the breadwinner. But when it is the woman in the same position, some men simply refuse to accept it.
Thanks to gender equality, a good number of women today are as educated and emancipated. Women are now less financially dependent on their husbands than they once were, and are also holding top positions at their respective work places. However, this does not augur well with some men who still think a woman should not be a top earner or doing better than her husband.
If you look at many homes today, the economic interdependence that long ago bound women to men in staying in marriages even when they were not happy is no longer strong. Although most married women would be less well off without access to their husbands’ income, they could probably still support themselves with their earnings if they so wish.
What am I deriving at here? Is that your husband is probably feeling threatened by the fact that you hold a better position or even bring a bigger pay cheque than him. It is the man’s ego that is being bruised here. For some reason, men always want to bring a bigger pay cheque and be seen as the successful ones; when the table turns and it is the woman who seems to be the winner, the results are not so good.
You are aware that sex is all in the mind.
There is no way your husband is going to function properly if there is something about you that is bothering him. Rising to the occasion takes more than what people think.
If you feel that your marriage is going down the drain, then I propose you take the bull by its horns. This is a straight forward issue; that only you and your husband will solve. As the two of you discuss your issues, you must put the facts on the table as to why this job is very important, not just for you but for the entire family- it is your bread and butter; no question about it.
Also, you must look into your work schedule and see what it is that you are not doing right. Do you come home late every day? And even when you come home late, do you carry your work home with you? These two issues might seem small, but they matter so much to married people. I can tell you that no married man or woman would like to go to bed every night as their spouse is busy typing away some report on the laptops up to three in the morning, only for them to come to bed and snore right away!
Remember in any relationship, whether marriage or otherwise- it is the small things that matter, the man might just be missing eating your food or even have a good time with you. Communication is the key to any problem in marriage- as for your career I say go girl - the sky should be the limit, but not at the expense of your family. A man is nothing without his family.