This column is regularly dedicated to offering subtle and easy to understand messages on improved service delivery among a host of other things that go through my mind which I strongly feel should be placed here as well.
Today’s focus is on the best ways through which a business can bleed itself to death. A wise reader will take note and avoid what is written here if they are interested in holding on to their businesses. I have decided to give these tips because I have been to so many establishments and left with one thing that is so certain – I will never get back to such establishments.
Being stingy with information is one of the best ways to ensure that customers show you their backs on a more regular basis. Employ that beautiful receptionist whose most common response to customer questions is, “I don’t know?” In fact, no one knows as the rest do not pick up their phones and the company’s website is left unattended to without any updates. Clients can try their luck on Google.
Another good way is to employ very lazy workers who continue gossiping instead of attending to clients who walk into your establishment. Your workers should never be in a hurry to attend to a customer. After all, he is the one who needs a service. Otherwise, he would not have bothered to enter your shop.
Never listen to what the customers are complaining about. You became rich long before they had learnt how to complain. So, why should it bother you now? And why do you even have to listen to a person who knows nothing about business? They do not have an Masters of Business Administration or even own a tuck-shop! So they can go to hell.
Some customers may want to be loyal to your products or services. The best way to get rid of these ones is to start by offering a great service and when you gather enough of them, offer them poorer services by the day. No worry since you have many customers and you no longer need to please any of them.
In case of a small misunderstanding, do not bother listening to the client. He is just a stupid fellow who knows nothing about how businesses are run. In fact, give him back his money and tell him not to come back as you didn’t need his money in the first place. That customer is king mantra does not apply to your business. All you look at is the money.
No need to have set working hours. Feel free to open your business after 9am and to close for the lunch break. Your day does not have to end at 6pm or as far as 9pm. Just shut your premise when you feel tired. The real customers can always return when you next open. There is also no point to display your working hours at the entrance of your premises.
These are just a few of the things you can do if you wish to ensure the demise of your business. I know they work because customers are a sensitive bunch that will leave for sure.
But be wise and do the opposite if you treasure your business.