My boyfriend has been meeting another girl. Should I give him a second chance?

I have been with my boyfriend for eight months. Recently I found out that he has been meeting up with a girl from work: I accidentally found messages on his laptop, dating back to a month ago when they started to get to know each other.

I have been with my boyfriend for eight months. Recently I found out that he has been meeting up with a girl from work: I accidentally found messages on his laptop, dating back to a month ago when they started to get to know each other.

I did not confront him at first but refused to take his calls. He then checked his internet browsing history and confessed immediately, but said they had never kissed or slept together.

At this early stage of our relationship, it was unthinkable for me that he would cheat. I am in a dilemma as to whether to give him a second chance. Jane

Dear Jane,

Well, I have plenty of friendships with members of the opposite sex that are perfectly innocent. But your gut feeling, your boyfriend’s secrecy about this woman, and his reaction when he realised you’d found out about her suggest that things are NOT innocent.

You have only been dating him for a few months. So why stay with someone you obviously don’t trust? He confessed because he was found out, not because he had a sudden moral epiphany about his activities. From what I’ve seen, the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true.

And frankly, if you’re checking his messages (be honest with yourself, I doubt you really did find them by accident) and you can’t confront him directly about such an important issue, it doesn’t sound like you have a healthy relationship.

My advice is, leave him. There are plenty of great men out there and life is so much more pleasant when we can trust the people who are close to us. View this as a learning experience. For your next relationship, think about how to deal with problems in a more effective, direct, and mature way. Good luck.

If you have an issue, contact me: itsaguything@newtimes.co.rw

 

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