It’s always fascinating to see relationships come to an end. Although kind of sad, it’s crazy to see a couple proclaiming to the world that they want to spend the rest of their lives together one minute and the next minute they’re calling it quits while proceeding to drag their exes name through the mud on Facebook.
Although the ending of a relationship is usually nothing pretty, it doesn’t have to end in a screaming match or result in one person getting blasted via social networking. There is such a thing as proper etiquette for exiting a relationship. Here are some ways to bow out of a relationship gracefully.
Soften the blow
Don’t let the last thing your ex remembers you saying to be, “If only the sex was better” or “Sorry, James is more financially stable.” If you must highlight their shortcomings, let it be the first thing that you mention and end with all of their positive attributes. If you can’t think of anything positive to say, this may be one of those rare instances where lying is okay.
Don’t put it in a text
Breaking up with someone via text is worse than the infamous ‘Dear John’ letter, which served as the ultimate break up letter before cell phones even existed. At least the ‘Dear John’ letter was a bit more tasteful. No one should find out that their relationship is over in 160 characters or less.
Avoid the Run-Around
There is nothing worse than someone stringing another person along when they’ve mentally checked out of the relationship some time before. This type of inconsideration usually ends with the other person feeling bitter, even after you try to have a conversation offering all the apologies you can think of. No one likes to feel as if they were strung along. If you don’t want him, cut it off when you’re sure, not after it becomes convenient for you. It’s all about being considerate of the other person’s feelings.
Keep some things to yourself
So you can’t stand his laugh. And his snoring has become almost unbearable. You fell in love with his potential but soon realised those high school hoop dreams have proven to take him nowhere, so now you want out. Oh, and lately the thought of seeing him is irritating and you would be fine if you never saw him again. While you may feel this way, he doesn’t need to know any of it. What’s the point? If you don’t want him to curse the thought of you or hate every woman who resembles you, learn to keep things to yourself before kicking your relationship to the curb.
Do not use the line, “It’s not you…it’s me”
Besides this line being so generic and far from genuine, no one wants to hear that you need to get your life together and they have been an awesome partner but you just didn’t know how to handle it. Save it. Instead, be genuine with your feelings without being too harsh. Don’t use generic lines that will irritate the person more than console them. There really is no alternative to this phrase because when people say it, it usually means, “No, it’s you, not me.” Just don’t use it.
Face up to your own mistakes
While you don’t have to drag yourself through the mud where the other person is left with the impression that you are a bad person and they are better off without you, you should own up to your mistakes if you plan to bring up any of theirs.
It’s only fair to end by saying that your mistakes along with theirs resulted in the way that you are feeling about the relationship. Be accountable for your part.
Do not ask, “Can we be friends?”
Really? Who wants to hear this after they’ve been dumped? Not only is this inconsiderate, but also somewhat selfish. I don’t want you in my life, but I still want you around when it’s convenient for me. Respect that the person may need time to heal and being your ‘homeboy’ is not conducive to mending a broken heart at the moment.
No one likes a person who seems to want their cake and eat it too. “Can we be friends?” signifies just that. Instead, tell your ex that you respect if they need space and you hope one day you can talk if they ever want or need to. Then maybe in the near future a friendship can possibly be formed.