Now that you’ve found love, what are you going to do with it?

Most people believe that finding love is the hardest thing, but in reality, keeping it is what you should worry about. Haven’t you ever met a great guy (well at least he seems like a great guy), you start to fall for him and then he magically disappears? I use magic, because you never ever see it coming, they just vanish without a trace.
Men who are emotionally unavailable find it easier to break up with women over the phone. Net photo.
Men who are emotionally unavailable find it easier to break up with women over the phone. Net photo.

Most people believe that finding love is the hardest thing, but in reality, keeping it is what you should worry about. Haven’t you ever met a great guy (well at least he seems like a great guy), you start to fall for him and then he magically disappears? I use magic, because you never ever see it coming, they just vanish without a trace.

The weekends you used to share together now seem to be replaced with work, work and more work – of course that is what he tells you.  For someone who used to call every day, the calls seems to be slowing down and you are reduced to pathetically staring at your phone waiting for it to ring. With your heart in your throat you gather the guts to call him and confirming your fears, he either doesn’t pick the call or the phone is switched off!

When this happens, what do you do? Do you worry and tell yourself he’s been in a car accident? Do you assume he is simply busy and will get back to you when he can? Or do you keep calling him till he has no option but to answer the darn call?  Does the distance in his voice tell you it’s over or do you insist it is not over till you say it is?

Take some time and look back at your dating pattern. Has this happened more times than normal and you honestly have no idea why? What you DO know however, is that every time it happens, it makes it even harder for you to trust the next guy who comes along. Yet for some reason, you hang onto hope and the thought of the next Mr. Right – till things start to fall apart again. It’s like a nightmare that never ends!

It is natural to feel like the problem is with you because for one, you never saw anything wrong with the relationship. In fact to you, every thing was downright perfect! You were ecstatic and he seemed happy, so what was the problem?

Well, from the research I’ve been doing, apparently you might be dating ‘unavailable’ men. And by unavailable, I don’t mean married or dating someone else. In this context, he could be emotionally unavailable or even somewhat detrimental. With an emotionally unavailable man comes the illusion that you might actually be able to change him.

Guys who insist on things like “I am not ready to go steady” or “commitment is not my thing” are usually emotionally unavailable. But because you believe you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, you have dreams of changing him. I’m sorry but some animals are simply not meant to be tamed!

Quit the dreams of changing the unchangeable and look inside yourself first. You will realise that the only reason you attract this kind is because you are emotionally unavailable yourself. Face your fears head on. Most times, it is fear that he will leave. Work on how best you can handle a break up as opposed to wondering what you will do without him. Facing the fear alone is enough to dispel it.

Guys sense our fear and ensuing neediness no matter how hard we try to disguise it. Most guys distance themselves if they sense neediness from you or that you’re depending on them to make you happy! Once you stop running from your fear, it ceases to have a hold on you.

 

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