When man and woman become “just friends”… No benefits

NOW, I know this is a subject that many people fear discussing because of what they have been through one way or the other. Whenever it comes up in conversations, people have different answers but they want to know if it’s just friendship without any strings attached or benefits involved.  I
Nicki Minaj and Safaree were for long said to be just friends. Net Photo.
Nicki Minaj and Safaree were for long said to be just friends. Net Photo.

NOW, I know this is a subject that many people fear discussing because of what they have been through one way or the other. Whenever it comes up in conversations, people have different answers but they want to know if it’s just friendship without any strings attached or benefits involved. 

I mean, no flirting, no sleeping together, no coveting, no infatuation, and no desires: Basically, just friends.

Most people will actually say “Yes, of course.” Others might say, “No way,” while some might say it is “likely”.

Personally, I have had to grapple with the fact that most of my friends are girls, in fact my best friend is a girl. Most people seem not to understand that it is possible. Some friend of mine once said that; “There’s no such thing, there’s has to be a clandestine motive.”

Some people will agree with my friend’s thoughts, although they may rise from his own inbuilt sexist attitudes. Man and woman can be friends, but the only way possible is after getting the sexual urges out of the picture.

Many times, sex gets into the way of a good friendship. There are many times when a girl suggests to a man that they just be friends, at times coming to this conclusion after sleeping with the man. Now, men get confused by this statement. It used to be said that once a girl sleeps with a man, then she loves him but today, she will sleep with a man for the sake of his friendship. 

I acknowledge that it’s difficult to balance between being friends and keeping all benefits at bay. It’s a matter of principal whereby a person ought to ask himself whether they want to be friends or lovers. Mark told me “I have many female friends with whom I’ve never slept with and never even thought about it. In other friendships, I’ve considered sex and had to make a decision: Do I really want to screw up this friendship? There are also my ex-friends who are now my friends.”

The problem here is that most men consider women as potential lovers or just mere sex-objects. It’s not that bad if it was just a thought and life continues. The twist comes when actually a person wants to put it into play and what would have been a friendship turns into a worse break-up.

Man and woman friendship can exist where by either partner can feel free to tell the friend anything. Of course this won’t go well with your boy/girlfriend, fiancée or spouse. People can talk about lifestyle, social ills in the community, parent-adult children relationships and there’s is no romantic interest. Just talk, just friendship.”

This issue of male/female friendships is intriguing and arguable, and people seem to have different opinions. The only trick here is for both sexes to understand that true friendship requires shared experiences where trust and loyalty are established over time. If friends decide to be lovers, it is going to be hard to get to that level.

Now that I think about my female best friend, I find reflections of all sides of the complex issue: A “just friends” settlement. A romance-turned-friendship. Lover as best friend. And female friends who are genuinely just that friends.

The confusing aspect of friendship relationships is sex. It’s not only through sex that a person can express themselves. It is important to separate the two. Sex and friendship. Remember friendship comes with fun, challenges, and good memories. 

 

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