Why try to ‘bust my bubble’

“Your dress could look better on Sharon. She is a little taller and doesn’t have chubby arms like yours,” commented my best friend.
Lillian Nakayima
Lillian Nakayima

“Your dress could look better on Sharon. She is a little taller and doesn’t have chubby arms like yours,” commented my best friend.

She could not let me celebrate my sister’s graduation peacefully. I wondered, Did she care whoever heard her weird bitchy comment?  Am I crazy to think she meant to insult me? Why on earth did she spit it out loud?

She is an underminer. they put you down in slight, nearly unnoticeable ways that will keep you up all night, wondering why they said what or if you actually are what they said. There is that super toxic friend in life, who never approves of you and will blatantly publicize their disbelief.

This reminds me of Liz, a friend whose ‘best friend’ almost ruined her love life.

“Live your life girl; you are better off without a man. After all, your temper can’t keep one for a second,” Liz’s friend routinely advised.

Underminers come in all sizes and age. They are none other than that best friend, who knows you like the back of their hand. They know your history, all the skeletons in your closet, your past disappointments and will eagerly use them to drain self esteem and belief out of you, no matter who is watching.

You can’t escape them, because underminers veer in and out of your life like they are effortlessly walking through a crowded restaurant. That unpredictable friend who exposes your dirty linen to strangers isn’t certainly that innocent.

“Whenever girls came around, Peter kept teasing me of earning a less salary and doing an incompetent job. He made it look like a joke and ended each sarcastic sentence with a green,” says Yves Nsekanabo, a victim to undermining.

Because insulting and smiling are two contradictory things, one would take Peter {Yves’s friend} for a spoilt kid who does not know when to say what. An analyst would call Peter confused while a realistic person would see where he headed to ;destroying a friend’s ego and definitely the chance to ever get close with any of the girls, because of his low income job, true character of an underminer.

It may be someone you went to school with, the neighbour next door, but whoever it is, the underminer throws a spiral of self-doubt each time you see them. Moreover, whenever you meet with each other, you are sure of getting a piece of some bad news or sad memories of your past failure.

They will publicly make fun of your school, complexion, project, job—you name it—just to make you feel bad.

While the English dictionary describes underminers as people who weaken others by wearing away the foundation, scholars name self-hate as the core cause of becoming a radical underminer.

“Because Dorothy hated herself, she would never compliment or say any kind words to anyone,” quotes, inspirational writer Joyce Meyer, in her book ‘Battlefield of the mind.’

Like other researchers and writers, Joyce Mayor suggested that being an underminer came from within, since an unsatisfied heart pours out rage while a cheerful heart relieves many of pain.

Psychology describes underminers as people who seek to build their lacking self-esteem through disguising others. They will get satisfaction in treading on others’ success or at least showing others that their efforts are worthless.

The next time that friend back stubs you, with mean comments or hurting memories, know they are paranoid underminers. Instead of feeling like stubbing them with a seven-inch knife, think of what is positive about you. In any case, underminers need help to come to terms with their own selves; they are not worth anyone’s time.

 

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