INSIGHT: What does he love about you?

In every relationship (not that they have been very many) I have always wondered what a guy liked or loved about me or if they even did at all.
Rachel Garuka
Rachel Garuka

In every relationship (not that they have been very many) I have always wondered what a guy liked or loved about me or if they even did at all. A male friend of mine insisted that women were so hard to please. “You nag us all the time about not saying the three magic words (I love you) then when we do you ask what it is about you that we love,” he complained.

But I feel like if someone says they love you, it is only fair that they mention what it is they love about you – just to be sure. Then eventually you can assess if what he says makes sense or if he is in the relationship for selfish motives.

Do they love your personality, your looks, your power, your money or your social status? Do they love you for what you are or do they love you for what you have? For instance, a girl pal of mine had her world wrapped around this fellow and, till today, I don’t get why she ever wasted her time with him. He seemed to be more interested in the material things she had to offer than in the real her.

When she had a baby with him, I thought, “well, maybe now he will change”. He did change alright – he got worse. He got so bad that he had to borrow money from her to buy Pampers for his own kid! And borrowing money he damn well knew he had no plans of paying back. Now, she insisted he loved her and I couldn’t agree more. He loved everything about her except her! How do I know this? He had a baby with another girl just two months after she’d had hers!

We need to be clear about these things. If my friend had asked that question, I bet my savings her man would not have a decent thing to say. He’d probably mumble on about her eyes or something…clearly indicating he hadn’t a clue!

 Once you know that they love something that may not change much after years, go ahead and reciprocate. For example, your money, power or looks may change, but your personality or emotional make up will not change much. Finding out if he loves you for you shouldn’t be that hard. He has to show some kind of concern about your life other than your bank account or your smoking hot body. He should be able to take interest in your work schedules and what your days in office are like.

A guy who keeps track of your habits and the small things you do or say that you don’t realize he notices is another good sign. The fact that he loves spending time with you and going out to places in your company should count for something. For one, he is not being forced or blackmailed into doing it so best believe that the relationship means just as much to him as it does to you.

Do not be afraid to ask the question. And as you do, keep eye contact. Nothing gives a lie away more than the eyes. I know some women would rather be in a bad relationship than not be in one at all but having your happiness compromised isn’t worth it at all.


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