Dear Aunt Silvia,
I gave birth to my first born child five months ago and my husband is yet to even touch me. I noticed it on the third trimester of my pregnancy; he could not even as much as look at me when we are in bed. For a while I thought maybe the pregnancy made me look ugly, but now I have cause to worry. What is happening to my husband or is it me?
It is unfortunate that not all men know that when their wives are expecting the only thing constant during pregnancy is change. In fact, the level and rate of change that occurs in most women can be a little overwhelming to most of men.
Some of the most important and noticeable changes happen in our bodies when we are expecting, from physical changes like a swelling belly and breasts to mood swings to temperature tolerance, nothing seems to remain the same. This needs a man who will understand that this is part of Mother Nature and unfortunately a woman can do nothing during this time.
There are some women who gain weight during pregnancy and never lose it even after giving birth. The overall appearance of such a woman, can affect a man’s desire for her; men are much more visual then women when it comes to sex. A woman not taking care of herself and losing the weight may subconsciously tell her husband that she no longer cares enough about him to look good for him.
Even if a woman puts on a few kilos it is the way that she takes care of herself that matters, still taking the time to put on make-up or dress up for him on occasion is important. Some women after having children just let themselves go, not taking the time to look nice for their husbands or even for themselves. Feeling sexy or good about oneself is an important part of sexuality and radiating that to your partner will make him feel more attracted to you.
A marriage is about two people working together and helping each other out to stay fit and healthy. If you feel that you have a weight problem then ask your husband for help, this way you will motivate him both mentally and sexually, at the back of his mind he will know that this effort is all for him and things might change for the better. Couples who encourage each other positively when it comes to weight gain issues or appearance have a much better sex life, when done in a positive way.
Apart from maybe post baby issues; have you tried checking with him to know if he has a problem at his work place? You know my dear, sometimes, also when a man is undergoing a lot of pressure at his work place he may not feel like he wants to have sex: This can happen to a man, especially if he is about to lose his job or is going through financial difficulties and he is not sharing this with you; this can lower his libido.
There is also another factor of some men suffering from depression when they get new born babies? Not because they don’t love their children, but because they are either overwhelmed by the whole thing or their financial status is not so good. Thinking of having another mouth to feed scares him yet he cannot come to terms and say it, resulting in less interest in sex.
I want to rule out the cheating factor for now. But then as a woman, I know that most of the times when it comes to men, our intuition is always right. If a husband suddenly does not want to have sex with his wife and she suspects that he may be cheating on her then he probably is. But before you go out creating a scene that almost looks like a TV drama, I would advise you to first do a few things that might help you bring back your man’s sexuality.
If you have added extra kilos, please try and shed off some weight; you might not go back to your old figure, but at least you will get somewhere close to where you were. After accomplishing that weight loss; get a new wardrobe. Go out and do some shopping for yourself and make sure that whatever you buy is the latest fashion trend. But, you have to be careful with the outfits that you will chose; whatever you buy should be age appropriate and defines you as a wife and mother- but a trendy one too.
A new hairstyle should be in order girl! Go out to the best of the salon and make sure they give you a new look from head to toe, so that when your husband sees you he will fall in love with you once again. Despair not my girl, you are still young- you only need to give yourself a complete makeover to look great to remind your husband why he fell in love with you in the first place.