Dear Aunt Silvia
I am a 25year old man, and completed my studies from Makerere University in Uganda I am currently living in Kigali on a temporary job.
I met and fell in love with a young, beautiful and a single mother of one. Despite her shortcomings I really love this girl. In the past we have quarreled because of her cheating on me with rich men.
After going through so much with her, my friends protested and asked me to leave her, but I could not bring myself to do it. Regardless, I still took her to Uganda and introduced her to my family, as my future wife. After we came back I decided to take her to a vocational training school so that she learn a trade or two so that she can support herself and her son, but even after completion she has refused to work and is lazing around in her parents’ home.
Our understanding is that she comes to my house over every weekend. Now what bothers me about this girl is the fact that she is very lazy. She has refused to work to support her son, and even when she comes over to my house, I have to literary do all the house chores alone and even cook for her while she watches the TV. My friends warned me against single mothers but I wanted to hear none of it. Please help me get out of this relationship so that I can start dating a normal girl. But I also have a fear of educated ladies;I need you to find me a good girl.
It is unfortunate that you landed yourself in a very hot African pot! Kisembo, there is nothing wrong with educated ladies. In fact you will be one lucky guy if you get a chance to meet an educated lady. Forget about the stereotype labeling that successful women are all the bad things. Believe you me, a true woman will always be a home maker despite her education background or her job status; so this notion you have about educated women should stop.
There are some few principles that guide us in matters of love. Among those is trust. The fact that you cannot trust this girl is enough reason for you not to be with her. What are you waiting for dear boy? Take a dive! How can you stomach your woman having multiple relationships just under your nose, in the name of love? That’s a girl to boot so fast! If she was near me I would spank her! Just for this reason, I would advise you to get out of this relationship before the situation gets worse. This girl is a player; she will play with your feelings then dump you so fast immediately a Mr. Right with fat pockets made of green notes shows up. Unless you put a stop to this relationship, your life is about to be ruined.
Also, let your friends not cheat you about single mothers. It is not true when they tell you that single mothers are lazy. I have never seen women who work extra hard to provide for their children like most single mothers do. Personally, I do not know where I would be if it was not for my mother who not only brought up my siblings and I single handedly, but a larger part of her family members as well.
My friend some of these single mothers have more than one job, working so hard just so that they can give the best to their children; in fact most men that I know and happened to have met and married single mothers are the happiest. These are women who have been through every situation in their lives, they have matured, to an extent that nothing scares them; in fact when single mothers get married they settle so well into the family life and make her family’s success a priority.
Kisembo if you ask me, this girl of yours seems to be an exception when it comes to living in the land of fairy tales. Long gone are the days when only the man of the house is required to make a living and provide for the family. We are in a situation that both man and woman are required to work and bring something to the table because of the turn of events in our everyday lives; but of course your sleeping beauty (Alice) is still living in wonder land, used to having everything provided for her, too bad that her parents do not realize that their daughter is wasting her life.
I advise you to set up a talk session between the two of you so that you can talk this issue out. If she agrees to mend her ways, then go ahead and have her for keeps, if not- good riddance!
As for meeting a new girl, it is always advised not to make haste in finding new love more especially if you are on a relationship rebound. If you are sure that this relationship will come to an end even after the talk, I would advise you to at least take a one year break before you commit yourself to any other girl, chances are that it will not work out for obvious reasons.