Rachel’s Ramblings:Things men should know about marriage

Some men think they do not need schooling when it comes to marriage yet they are the very ones who go failing miserably at this sacred institution! It has come to my attention that people in Rwanda get married as often as celebrities get divorced. You meet a guy today (single as they come), leave the country for a month only to be told he got married! Wow!
Rachel Garuka
Rachel Garuka

Some men think they do not need schooling when it comes to marriage yet they are the very ones who go failing miserably at this sacred institution! It has come to my attention that people in Rwanda get married as often as celebrities get divorced. You meet a guy today (single as they come), leave the country for a month only to be told he got married! Wow!

For sure there is no law that says a grown man should first take a marriage course before he decides to take the plunge but sometimes I wish there was. Nothing beats my understanding more than people who get married and months later have no idea why they did.

Marriage requires commitment. Most men are afraid of that word but for some reason the ones here are not. I just hope they know what it means. For those who haven’t tied the knot yet, marriage is not a game. It is not a decision that one keeps changing either. Therefore, a lot of thought must be put into it before assuming the institute will work itself out!

You see, looks can be deceitful and neither so they last forever. The woman you met at Church, at the bookstore, in the supermarket, at the petrol station or in a bar, will not always look the way she does forever. Men have to learn to love their woman beyond her looks—even when her sexy lingerie goes out the window and is replaced by some hideous as if, granny gown! She might look different but she is still the same woman.

Marriage means less of a social life. That’s right – you might want to cut down on those nights out with the boys. Oaths do not include gallivanting around town making sure you leave a name at each bar as the heaviest drinker! If this is a part of your life that you are most certain you cannot do without, I suggest you stick to bachelorhood!

It is sad but the truth is; it is tiring to see the same old person everyday for the rest of your life. Yes, that is marriage – till death do you part—it is not something you get rid of because you are tired! Variety might be a spice during singlehood but not in marriage. This is when temptation jets in. Do not give in.

Men can find fun things to do with their wives instead of the usual, book reading routine every other evening. Go out, invite married friends over, play dress up and pretend you are Captain Jack Sparrow and she is a belly dancer for all I care. Do something about your marriage when signs of boredom creep in and don’t wait for it to get cold! 

You will feel suffocated at times. Seeing as you are now part of somebody else’s life, every decision you make will affect your partner. There will be times when you feel that life would be better had you not gotten married. You should understand that it is just a passing phase. Every relationship has its own days of frustration and worry. When the years pass and you are completely used to your better half, you will be glad you tried.

The most important requirement for marriage is patience. If you have none of that, do not bother. And I mean it, do not bother! Trust that in marriage, your patience will be tested. As a woman, I know that we know what buttons to push and won’t stop till we make a point, so communication in a calm and composed manner is vital. Never physically abuse a woman – I know some women are a handful and maybe a few slaps will put her in her place but don’t. Simply walk away, go get some air then come back ready to have a decent talk, preferably sober!

Take note of marriage’s financial strain. You can no longer just go home and buy a bun from the shop to go with your cup of black tea for supper. You have to plan your finances judiciously because opinions will clash. In marriage, there is that saying that ‘what is mine is yours.’ That my dear brothers, includes your bank account and everything in it!

Lastly, marriage may just be the toughest adventure you will ever come across. It requires a lot of adjustments and sacrifice. You have to have respect for the person you are going to marry and not dismiss her like a bad joke! Learn from friends who have been or are still down that road. Or just do it anyway and learn from yourself, after all, experience is the best teacher right?

 

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