I worry too much

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a “worrier” and I feel like the older I’ve gotten, the more cautious I’ve become to the point that I now consider many things life-threatening where most people probably don’t even think twice about doing the same.

I remember going camping a couple of times as part of my Girl Guide experience and we would even swim in the lake and yet here I am years later hesitant to even dip my feet in a pool because I’m anxious about what’s in the water and who’s been there. I also tend to over think things and sometimes it takes me days to make the simplest of decisions.

If there’s an upcoming family or work trip, I will mull over whether I really need to go because in my mind, I’m thinking of everything that could go wrong. A robbery on the way, an accident or some other unpleasant surprise. I guess that makes me a pessimist since I dwell more on the negatives than positives.

It must be because I like routine and anything that disrupts my schedule and involves improvising or doing things I’m not used to really puts me off. That is why I don’t go hiking, bungee jumping and related adventures many people are increasingly taking to.

When I read about people who have climbed Everest multiple times, I’m amazed but not inspired to attempt to do the same. I don’t think I’d even make it beyond 20 meters! It doesn’t help when I read about freak accidents like climbers running out of oxygen, slipping and falling to their deaths or getting caught up in avalanches.

I don’t know what I’d do if I needed major surgery because I feel like I would put if off for fear of something going wrong. There’re also other life-changing decisions I wouldn’t rush to make. One of my friends got married five months after meeting her then boyfriend.

I didn’t want to project my doubts on the smitten bride-to-be and so I kept my reservations to myself but when the marriage broke down just months later, I couldn’t help wondering if things would have turned out different had they waited and got to know each other better.

I also have friends who have quit their regular jobs to start their own businesses and I wish I had the same courage. Things didn’t work out for some of them but they don’t regret stepping out of their comfort zone and trying something new.

For others, the risks are starting to pay off and while I’m genuinely happy for them, I’m terrified of following in their footsteps and God forbid, failing. I’d beat myself up for giving up the regular albeit low-paying job.

All this to say that I wish I was more fearless and confident in my abilities. Kudos to all the brave hearts out there who aren’t afraid to jump, whatever the timing or situation.