Rules of dining

There is a correct way to eat meat, so why go about it the wrong way? In Africa, we attach a different kind of importance to meat and so the way we eat it has got to be stylishly different.

When eating meat, the principle of ‘save the best for last’ must be strictly adhered to. What this means is that you first eat all the ‘bad’ things like ubugari, ugali, potatoes and the like. The meat or chicken goes in last, to wash off the terrible taste of ubugari and potatoes.

When at the buffet, one should not always wait until they find a seat before the eating can begin. In fact, the eating should commence as soon as one approaches the tray with such light items as chips and fruit salad. The law permits us to eat these while still standing at the buffet queue.

Talking of the buffet, one of the most enticing spectacles to behold at the typical Kigali buffet is the fruit cuts –usually ikinyomoro, pine apple, passion, papaya, and sweet bananas.

This spectacle must be greeted with the cheerful expression –all fruits ripe! You must whisper ‘all fruits ripe!’ to the next person in the queue and then proceed to pick off slices of your favorite fruit and these must not end up on the plate; they should go straight to the mouth.

But the problem with these buffet fruit cuts is exactly that –they are cuts, and who wants fruit cuts when one can get the whole thing?

I don’t know if it’s a case of economics or civilized pretensions, but honestly why would one want to serve me half a passion or ikinyomoro fruit on a buffet for which I forked out Rwf 3,000?

To the best of my knowledge, they have to be served whole, the way sambaza fish are served –all intact. Ikinyomoro is best enjoyed when ripped open using the corners of one’s incisor teeth.

Shall we also say something about pork? Of course! Pork is usually consumed from noisy bars, so let’s move from the buffet to the bar.

It’s aesthetically wrong to accompany one’s pork order with such drinks as; Fanta Orange, and milk and gee de maracuja. Pork is best washed down with Stoney Tangawizi and Sprite and Fanta Citrous and Konyagi and Uganda Waragi.