I met Patrick through a mutual friend. He had a quiet demeanor (without necessarily being uninteresting); he was my kind of guy. Before long we were exchanging texts and giggles through all social media platforms. Finally, he asked me out on a date and I gladly obliged. He took me to a fancy restaurant and he was looking at me the way dogs look at bones and I was feeling things. Our date was interrupted when Sam, Patrick’s acquaintance suddenly shouted his name from across the room. Sam was clearly upbeat and we soon learnt why; his wife had given birth just a few hours before. We congratulated him upon being a new father and,as though he was completely oblivious to my presence,he replied, “Yeah. But it’s a girl.” ‘But’ it’s a girl?? You get lucky enough to have a healthy baby while millions of people are struggling to reproduce and you utter such nonsense? As if girls are only half human and therefore not good enough? “You know for us African men we want boys. They are better,” he proudly proclaimed. I’m usually polite to strangers but on that day, I just couldn’t stomach the man’s arrogance and ignorance.I turned and shot him my, how-dare-you-say-that look. I said to him, “Don’t generalize. Not everyone is narrow-minded like you.” Patrick also chimed in and said to Sam, “You shouldn’t complain. It’s you, the man, who determines the sex of a child.” Sam was clearly unconvinced because his reply was, “Eh?? Anyway, I will see you around.” He walked away and I repeated ‘BUT it’s a girl’ angrily in my head. And I pitied this unlearned man’s poor wife. The poor woman will henceforth be under pressure to “give me a boy” because this supposedly educated man didn’t take the time to understand a simple Biology lesson about chromosomes. Sadly, they are many men like him. Such a man will definitely raise his daughters to look down on themselves; to make them think that by virtue of their gender, they shouldn’t be outspoken or ambitious or passionate. That they should stand in the background. That they’re everyone’s donkeys. Such a man won’t set foot in the kitchen but will wait for his wife ‘serve him’ even though she is equally tired from work. He won’t want to help change his own baby because he is ‘a man.’ Someone actually said that to me. Lord knows I have no space in my life for a man who in this day and age, is still engrossed in such patriarchal arrogance. The saving grace is that there are men like my father. Not once in my life did my old man say to me and my sister or even imply that we should or shouldn’t do certain things because we are girls. He expected and demanded greatness in every aspect. The saving grace is that there are men like Mark Zuckerberg who, even though they are worth billions and therefore can afford all sorts of nannies, take pride in parenting tasks like changing their daughter’s diapers. Sam, (and by Sam I’m referring to anyone who behaves like him) if you are reading this, kindly get off your high horse.
