When Maureen Ainembabazi offered to throw a bridal shower for her friend, she wasn’t aware that she would be responsible for more than just a cake, a couple of presents and some good memories. Her intention was to show her friend love and support, a way to calm her down from all the stress of the wedding preparations. “My friend can’t stop thanking me because there are things she learnt that day that will forever be her guide in marriage,” Ainembabazi says. A bridal shower is a gift-giving party held for a bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding. It is a fun way for the friends and family to celebrate a woman’s forthcoming nuptials. The day is usually characterised by fun, games, and watching the excited bride-to-be open her gifts. Naturally it is a woman’s thing; married friends, relatives and a few close single female pals make up the guest list of a typical bridal shower. Apart from the fun and games, the women also share experiences and ideas on how to be a good wife. “The lessons we learned from some women who have been in the marriage long enough changed the theories we had on the subject. It wasn’t just for the bride-to-be, but all those who attended had lessons to take home,” Ainembabazi says. “We had fun, played games, cracked jokes about marriage, food and drinks were in plenty, and we showered the bride- to-be with a lot of gifts. Then later, we had a long discussion on what a woman is expected of in marriage. Lessons ranged from the kitchen to bedroom affairs, to handling a man and most of all, being that woman whose husband will forever be proud of,” Ainembabazi adds. Bridal showers have indeed become a trend, however, one may wonder if they are truly worth the fuss. A bride strikes a pose. (Net photo) For 67-year-old Florence Mukarugamba, the tradition of throwing bridal showers is not a new one; it is just done differently nowadays. She says that back in the day, it wasn’t a party, but a secret gathering of elderly women who shared with the bride-to-be what was expected of her as a wife. “The young woman stayed indoors for almost a month. She was fed on milk to fatten her up and given lessons on how to be a good wife. Things such as a lamp and a pot, among others, were given to her when she was leaving to join her husband to start her own family,” Mukarugamba says. She, however, points out that regardless of how the tradition has evolved, bridal showers still hold a lot of significance especially because it’s a chance for women to know about the realities of marriage, and with this, she can lower her ‘dreamy expectations’ of the all-rosy marriage. Karen Kagisha is a newlywed; she says that her bridal shower was one of her favourite moments. “My Maid of Honour threw a bridal shower for me just weeks before my wedding. At the time, I was exhausted due to the endless wedding preparations and thought it was a bad idea. I was wrong because I had the time of my life,” Kagisha recalls. The bride-to-be is showered with gifts and given advice on how to be a good wife. She adds: “It felt great having my best girls with me.That aside, I got to learn a lot about the journey I was about to embark on. It was wonderful to have so many of my friends wish me the best for my marriage and to top it all off, I was showered with great presents, beautifully wrapped if I may add.” Kagisha says that she wishes everybride-to-be would encounter this experience because it’s not only fun, but there is a lot to learn from it. Joy Tuyisenge also had a bridal shower, but she says that she was a bit uncomfortable with it at first, but later embraced the mood and enjoyed the party. “I loved my bridal shower, everyone had fun and it was so emotional, especially when my friends started talking about how good a person I was, and that they wished me luck.We cried and the whole thing got emotional. They later gave me gifts which I treasure to this day,” Tuyisenge recalls. “I think bridal showers give people a chance to express what you mean to them.You discover that although you’re starting a new life, there are friends around to see you through. Although I was scared of the life, I was going to start, I knew then that there were people who would be there for me in times of trouble,” Tuyisenge adds. 27-year-old Rebecca Kansiime says she wishes to experience this ‘love’ spilled by friends and relatives during a bridal shower. “I have attended one bridal shower and from what I saw, I too wish to have one when I am going to get married. The love showed by friends is overwhelming and above all, it gives you comfort that with the new journey you are about to start, you have people to lean on in case the going gets tough,” she says. Bridal showers usually have themes that are connected to a bride’s preference. (Net photos) Kansiime adds that if friends or family can afford it, they should endeavour to throw a bridal shower for a bride-to-be because with it comes memories that she will cherish forever. 32-year-old Lucy Barungi thinks that a bridal shower is not as symbolic as it is made out to be. For starters, she says, no one can tell you how to make your marriage work because they too are going through their own problems. “I’ve been to a friend’s bridal shower. But other than giving her gifts, which by the way I also find odd since we buy wedding gifts too, I don’t think there is a clear cut way to be a good woman,” she says. “Some of these women probably have marital problems and have not had a decent conversation with their spouses in months; I doubt such a person is in position to give another advice,” Barungi adds. Annette Kuteesa says bridal showers don’t mean much. “Can’t I just give a gift to the couple on the day of the wedding and call it a day? These days, the one organising the shower asks for ‘contribution’ to organize the shower, which includes paying for the cake, décor and food. This sounds like an actual wedding. I can’t contribute to a bridal shower and the wedding. No way. Pick one,” Kutessa says with frustration. Bridal showers are organised in such a way that the more memorable it is, the better.Though some people are not particularly fond of the idea, others simply can’t imagine a world without it and argue that if a shower is something a bride-to-be is interested in, then there’s no harm in having one. editorial@newtimes.co.rw ******************************************** I SAY: They are essential Zuba Chantal, event planner Zuba Chantal Personally, I look at bridal showers as a learning experience where elders and other married people enlighten the bride on issues regarding marriage. A good marriage is a well-planned one, and that’s one of the opportunities that bridal showers provide. It’s very essential. Bridal showers are educational Praise Mutesi, sales person Praise Mutesi I believe in bridal showers, they give a bride the opportunity to learn from people who are already in the institution. The majority of people who attend bridal showers are women who are married with families. They know the good and bad of marriage; and it is this knowledge that encourages and changes one’s attitude towards the journey she is about to embark on. It is a one day programme but the skills and knowledge acquired last for a life time. It prepares you for the journey ahead Phiona Mutesi, forex bureau employee Phiona Mutesi This is a day to interact with good friends and respected relatives; a day to share great experiences about life, marriage in particular, and have fun as one prepares for the interesting journey ahead. It’s a day to learn, and learning can never be waste of time. It is a ritual Flavia Ingabire, forex bureau employee Flavia Ingabire This is a day to shower the bride-to-be with gifts and also give her insight to the journey ahead, which is mainly the work of her married relatives and friends. It’s for a good cause, and they are always quite memorable. Compiled by Dennis Agaba
