Lessons from bestiality sagas in Kenya: Relationship stakeholders should wake up

Recent events in Kenya, especially in the central stronghold of the country, are not what many of you want to discuss openly. The events are PG-rated. The events have attracted scorn and bewilderment in equal measure. These are incidents of men having sex with chickens, goats, pigs, dogs and the latest, donkeys.While I can guess why these Nyeri men are giving Animal Husbandry a new meaning, I won’t allow you to ask me how these men do it. Don’t ask me how a man can really do a chicken or how four men can agree to hold a donkey down, take their turns against the hapless animal, ignore its brays and thump it to death. I’ve a human partner, so I don’t know what goes in the minds of those chaps. Imagine they comprehend ‘bestiality’ as something good because the first four letters (best) is just that!The issue at hand here calls for serious efforts to nip the trend in the bud. It is becoming a fad in Nyeri for men to sleep with animals. It looks like women have to up their ante because goats, chicken, sheep, pigs – just how does a man have sex with a pig? – and donkeys are beating them to the game. Some people say Kenyan women are not sexy enough. Should we assume then that the animals look sexier? Or are the women paying more attention to television soaps and make-up kits, sending starved men into desperation?My Nigerian friends say a dog that can’t find meat will eventually settle for vegetables. These men seem to have failed to find women, so they are seeking solace in animals. That’s how the agricultural phrase, ‘animal husbandry’ is now being twisted around to define the perverted way Kenyans are lusting for animals.It is prudent at this time for women to rethink revealing cleavage and wearing artificial bums, eyelashes, hair, nails and pumping up millions into make-up kits. It’s clear men are not easily deceived; they prefer natural things. Tell me, is there any animal that can wear make-up? A donkey’s bums are just as natural as a chicken’s fluffs.Women have fought for equal place with men all these years. They got it, but it seems they are failing to use it. How can you claim emancipation but you can’t gather the minimal courage needed to wink at the man you have a crush on? The days when it was a taboo for women to approach men is long dead. Even its lingering ghost was interred with Chinua Achebe. Today’s dot.com woman should be confident and daring. Go on and grab that man. Playing hard no longer works; it just drives men crazy, to the bars to drink or to brothels to beep prostitutes. In Kenya, playing hard drives men to the animals.Where did humility go? It’s all money now. Every woman wants a RAV4 before you can get her attention. They want to go to the fanciest salons and shop in Dubai. I hear men used to yearn for women, now they earn for them. It is cardinal for the women to ensure that the ‘Y’ in ‘yearn’ is never lost to give birth to ‘earn’. Equal space means shared goals, spending, interest and many things. Just stop detoothing men and driving them crazy.If this animal husbandry thing keeps up and becomes a fad in other regional states, then we risk becoming cannibals in the near future as that beef from the butchery will actually be a product of man’s sexual encounters with a cow.Women, don’t wake up too late. It’s now or never. Ignore this and you might be compelled to wear animal prints in the near future just to compete for men’s attention with the animals they are now infatuated with. Dark Knight endsDear reader, this column will no longer be running. It goes to another hand. It had been worthwhile the last six months, but the dance routine needs a break. Thanks for being part of the Dark Knight. Twitter: @JacobSeamanBlog: jaydryn.wordpress.com

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Lessons from bestiality sagas in Kenya: Relationship stakeholders should wake up