Dear Counsellor, I recently hired a maid to help out around the house. As far as work goes, she is excellent. She is clean and orderly and very respectful. She cooks well too. The problem is, I found out she befriended almost the entire neighbourhood. She spends a lot of time gossiping with the neighbours that I don’t even know how she gets any work done. Now, everybody knows what goes on in my house. I talked to her about it after a friend warned me about her and she apologised. However, I’m told she still does the same thing. Should I let go of a maid so great at her work because of this? Please advise. Mbabazi ----- Dear Mbabazi, Living next to nosey people who devote their time to gossip with your maid is enough to drive you to depression. It’s such a frustrating experience because it can affect your family’s well-being. House maids are important since they play an important role of looking after the home while we are at work. However, as maids are increasingly being integrated into families to help run the household, the problem of them leaking information to neighbours is definitely common and not ending soon. Your role as an employer is to find middle ground. As the employer, you are in charge, and your maid is obligated to respect your wishes and fulfil the duties and responsibilities that you outlined when you hired her. You need to do something for the whole system to change. If your maid is obedient, friendly, trustworthy and submissive, and you want to transform the unpleasant side of her without losing her entirely, hold a serious conversation about this issue with her and decide if you will send her off or there’s room for change. If she is remorseful then write her warning letter and give her the last chance; be clear about the steps you’ll take if nothing changes. She may also need counselling. Counselling sessions aim at transforming the bad features in an individual. In fact, this can be an opportunity for your relationship with your domestic worker to grow. As for your neighbours, it may help if you find an effective but non-aggressive way to deal with the gossip without instigating conflict. A simple wave or hello can build trust and understanding. Behave in a neighbourly way by enhancing good sociability, for example; invite them over when you have a party or barbecue, or send them a bottle of wine or home-baked cookies. Once you have befriended them, express your feelings about how your house maid’s gossip is affecting your relationship with them and ask for their input, or propose a solution that aims at ending the gossip. Even if the problem isn’t something you can fix yourself, speaking out courteously can give the neighbours time or inclination to respond to your request. This is the friendliest strategy you can use to mitigate conflict and restore tranquillity and friendship with neighbours. It’s a lot cheaper than staging a hate campaign against them because they are your neighbours, and they could manipulate any maid you bring to your house if you don’t address the problem. If you apply all the above strategies and nothing seems to materialise, then fire her and search for a replacement. Your feedback How serious is she about her job? Give her a stern warning, if she respects her job and really wants to continue working for you she will change her behaviour. Also, find out if this is her nature, if so, letting her go will do you good. Jean Marie Vianney Havugarurema, Parent ----- It is common behaviour It’s normal for the house help to gossip around the neighbourhood, but only if she is talking about petty things. If she is as good at her job as you say, ignore her. Be patient and see how far this goes. Gladys Umuratwa ----- Get somebody else Some matters are personal and sharing them with the neighbours can create problems. Since she refused to change even after talking to her, I suggest you think about replacing her. Pamela Niyungeko, Manicurist ----- Give her one last chance Try talking to her again and warn her that if she continues to chat with the neighbours about issues that do not concern her, you will have no choice but to fire her. If she doesn’t listen this time around, stick to your word. Guido Kayinamura, Father -----
